To Kill or Not To Kill? That is the Question
Forgive me, God, for I have sinned: I have harbored murderous intentions in my heart.
It's my sister's bird, Leo the cockatiel. I HATE him. Early in the morning, while I am still trying to figure out if I'm actually awake, I walk through the breakfast room on my way to make some tea or "rustle up some grub" (eh, cowgirl?), and the bird begins this awful shrieking, and then I just want to KILL him. Yes, I do.
I yell at him to shut up, but he doesn't. Yesterday I nearly set the cat on him. I think he knew I was getting close to the end of my tether, because he subsided from his piercing whistle to a quiet, nervous little chirp. Also he could see the cat for himself, right outside the french doors, licking her lips, and he probably saw that I was looking longingly at the door handle.
In all truth, I should probably feel more sorry for Leo. He has no purpose in life. He just sits in that cage in the corner of one of the least used (but frequently passed through) rooms in the house. He is not friendly, so no one attempts to play with him, except the cowgirl. And even she doesn't do it all that much. Sometimes she sets him free from the cage to flutter around, but he generally sticks pretty close to his comfort zone (i.e., the cage). It's pathetic. If I were him, I'd probably be relieved to be murdered.
Maybe I could gag him. You know, run a little piece of cloth through his beak or something. Or invent a tiny bird muzzle. Or I wonder if you can "de-chirp" birds, the same way you can de-bark dogs.
Well, I guess there are potentially more annoying things in life than having to put up with noisy birds. For example, having a dog that has an addiction to playing fetch and will run backwards in front of you when you take him for a hike, because he is desperately hoping you will throw a stick for him.
Oh wait, that's what the cowgirl's dog does. Hmmm.
It's my sister's bird, Leo the cockatiel. I HATE him. Early in the morning, while I am still trying to figure out if I'm actually awake, I walk through the breakfast room on my way to make some tea or "rustle up some grub" (eh, cowgirl?), and the bird begins this awful shrieking, and then I just want to KILL him. Yes, I do.
I yell at him to shut up, but he doesn't. Yesterday I nearly set the cat on him. I think he knew I was getting close to the end of my tether, because he subsided from his piercing whistle to a quiet, nervous little chirp. Also he could see the cat for himself, right outside the french doors, licking her lips, and he probably saw that I was looking longingly at the door handle.
In all truth, I should probably feel more sorry for Leo. He has no purpose in life. He just sits in that cage in the corner of one of the least used (but frequently passed through) rooms in the house. He is not friendly, so no one attempts to play with him, except the cowgirl. And even she doesn't do it all that much. Sometimes she sets him free from the cage to flutter around, but he generally sticks pretty close to his comfort zone (i.e., the cage). It's pathetic. If I were him, I'd probably be relieved to be murdered.
Maybe I could gag him. You know, run a little piece of cloth through his beak or something. Or invent a tiny bird muzzle. Or I wonder if you can "de-chirp" birds, the same way you can de-bark dogs.
Well, I guess there are potentially more annoying things in life than having to put up with noisy birds. For example, having a dog that has an addiction to playing fetch and will run backwards in front of you when you take him for a hike, because he is desperately hoping you will throw a stick for him.
Oh wait, that's what the cowgirl's dog does. Hmmm.
posted by grackyfrogg @ 9:32 AM
4 Comments:
At 2:04 PM ,
Anonymous said...
I had a roommate that owned 2 cockatiels; I hated them both! (the birds, not the roomie) Because of their shrieking I rarely got to sleep in or have any kind of peace in a small 2 BR apt. I began to give them daily I hate you's, but they got their revenge. She left the cage open one day and one of them landed on my head and left me a hate message on my hair! Not long after that I moved elsewhere..bird-free!
At 11:39 PM ,
Aimee said...
my step father has birds. I HATE them! I know that hate is a strong word, but i threaten them every time i see them. I've told my step father that i will serve his birds on toast if he doesn't do something with them. (Okay, at the time they were in the house making TONS of noise and ruining the living room.) They're now in the garage where we can only hear them faintly from time to time.
At 6:07 PM ,
Anonymous said...
my friend had a small bird and she always set it on my shoulder where it would growl in my ear and always leave a "lil' poo" on my shoulder.
grrr.
I also once had a roommate from Thailand named "Byrd." But he was cool.
At 10:52 PM ,
joci said...
If you de-chirp the bird you might as well kill the wretched thing. Not only does it get it's wings clipped so it can't fly any longer - wait let's talk abou this for a sec, a bird is given the precious gift of flight, the number one answer given when the question is asked to humans, "if you could have one mutant power what would it be?" and you rob him of that,- you put this animal that cannot be pet, or taken for walks in a cage where he can only see the clouds and trees through windows, if in fact he can see that far, THEN you take away the last thing besides life he has remaining his song.
I think the answer is Kill.
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