King Cobra Rules! Or Maybe He Doesn't
Ok, so I just sat down to watch a movie, I'm surfing the channels looking for something good (of course there isn't anything), and then I get to this movie, King Cobra. The description of the movie in the little channel guide is exactly as follows, verbatim:
"A doctor becomes a 30-foot hybrid of a man, a cobra and a rattler after his biochemical lab explodes."
Well. Sounds like a bad day all around for the doctor, doesn't it.
But I have to say: Why a cobra AND a rattler? Is one or the other of them not deadly enough? Especially when they are 30-feet tall/long? I mean, maybe it's just me, but it seems a teensy bit redundant, that's all.
And how come it's a foregone conclusion that when you morph into something like a cobra or a rattler (or both), you are of necessity going to be evil and try to kill everyone? Isn't it just possible that there are good cobras in the world, who just want to be left alone while they mind their own business? I ask you.
But maybe the doctor was evil to begin with, in which case what he morphs into reflects the state of his darkened heart. I suppose I would have had to watch this from the beginning to know, but I think if I had done that, I might have died. Whether of boredom, or of shame that I would have watched such a movie from beginning to end, I'm not sure.
I do wonder, though: Why do horrible accidents always happen in these biochemical labs? It makes you wonder if we should even have them, doesn't it? And the accidents are never like, "Oh, I knocked over a beaker of perfectly harmless saline solution." No, it's always, "The two most volatile substances known to man, that should never come into contact or else something will explode, have just been thrown into the same Bunsen burner!" "NOOOO!!!!! Didn't you read the labels?!"
So, are biochemists and scientists and doctors just clumsier than the rest of us? What's the deal? Maybe they should leave the biochemical labs under the care of English majors. We'd gladly leave everything alone, and then nothing bad could ever happen. Everyone would be happy.
Also, how come these scientists never die when their labs explode and stuff, they just morph into strange hybrids? It's weird.
Pat Morita of Karate Kid fame is in the movie, getting the worst of it in an epic fight with the King Cobra. Which, I might add, does not resemble a man at all, but does look like a giant cobra...with a rattle on the end of its tail. It also seems to be made out of very strong, industrial strength plastic. Or something.
Pat Morita is dying now. It appears he just got bitten by the cobra. Bummer. There are other people fighting too. Everyone is wearing safety goggles, when it seems like what they should really be wearing is body armor. I mean, the man/cobra/rattler isn't SPITTING at them, for crying out loud. It's BITING them!
I thought for awhile that A.I. was the worst movie ever made, but I think I will have to revise my opinion. (A.I. is still pretty dreadful, though.)
"A doctor becomes a 30-foot hybrid of a man, a cobra and a rattler after his biochemical lab explodes."
Well. Sounds like a bad day all around for the doctor, doesn't it.
But I have to say: Why a cobra AND a rattler? Is one or the other of them not deadly enough? Especially when they are 30-feet tall/long? I mean, maybe it's just me, but it seems a teensy bit redundant, that's all.
And how come it's a foregone conclusion that when you morph into something like a cobra or a rattler (or both), you are of necessity going to be evil and try to kill everyone? Isn't it just possible that there are good cobras in the world, who just want to be left alone while they mind their own business? I ask you.
But maybe the doctor was evil to begin with, in which case what he morphs into reflects the state of his darkened heart. I suppose I would have had to watch this from the beginning to know, but I think if I had done that, I might have died. Whether of boredom, or of shame that I would have watched such a movie from beginning to end, I'm not sure.
I do wonder, though: Why do horrible accidents always happen in these biochemical labs? It makes you wonder if we should even have them, doesn't it? And the accidents are never like, "Oh, I knocked over a beaker of perfectly harmless saline solution." No, it's always, "The two most volatile substances known to man, that should never come into contact or else something will explode, have just been thrown into the same Bunsen burner!" "NOOOO!!!!! Didn't you read the labels?!"
So, are biochemists and scientists and doctors just clumsier than the rest of us? What's the deal? Maybe they should leave the biochemical labs under the care of English majors. We'd gladly leave everything alone, and then nothing bad could ever happen. Everyone would be happy.
Also, how come these scientists never die when their labs explode and stuff, they just morph into strange hybrids? It's weird.
Pat Morita of Karate Kid fame is in the movie, getting the worst of it in an epic fight with the King Cobra. Which, I might add, does not resemble a man at all, but does look like a giant cobra...with a rattle on the end of its tail. It also seems to be made out of very strong, industrial strength plastic. Or something.
Pat Morita is dying now. It appears he just got bitten by the cobra. Bummer. There are other people fighting too. Everyone is wearing safety goggles, when it seems like what they should really be wearing is body armor. I mean, the man/cobra/rattler isn't SPITTING at them, for crying out loud. It's BITING them!
I thought for awhile that A.I. was the worst movie ever made, but I think I will have to revise my opinion. (A.I. is still pretty dreadful, though.)
posted by grackyfrogg @ 2:28 PM
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