What Is True?
The other day, I observed a grown man literally jumping up and down like a child who's just been told he's going to Disneyland, and when I asked him why he was so happy, he told me that the woman he loved--who is not his wife, but he calls her that because "that's what she is to me, and I'd marry her if she let me"--had left him a voice mail simply saying that she loved him.
Another man on the same day told me stories about what men talk about in "the locker room" when women aren't around, and how the fact is that men are dogs mostly because they can be, wanting what they don't have and taking what they can get.
Our conversation reminded me of the time I was walking down the boulevard next to the beach in Pattaya, Thailand, and seeing the middle-aged white (probably married) men walking hand in hand with Thai prostitutes as if the women were their girlfriends and as if there was love between them, instead of monetary compensation for unslakable lust.
Then yesterday I happened to read a short story in the latest issue of a literary journal, that was all about how various men sexually abused the young girl-protagonist.
Finally, I remembered the recent wedding of a friend, and how, as he watched his bride walk toward him down the grassy aisle under a springtime sun to stand at his side in front of a rose-strewn gazebo, he couldn't stop smiling or wiping away tears.
Of all of these stories, which is true?
I wonder sometimes what on earth I'm waiting for, and if it is worth it after all, and that makes me sad, and a little angry as well, that I should even have to wonder this. I know it isn't sex though; that would be easy enough to get if that was all I wanted. But it isn't; never has been. (I'm greedy-I want all or nothing, and sex is not all.)
I just don't know if what I really want is out there, and that's because I don't know anymore which story is true.
Another man on the same day told me stories about what men talk about in "the locker room" when women aren't around, and how the fact is that men are dogs mostly because they can be, wanting what they don't have and taking what they can get.
Our conversation reminded me of the time I was walking down the boulevard next to the beach in Pattaya, Thailand, and seeing the middle-aged white (probably married) men walking hand in hand with Thai prostitutes as if the women were their girlfriends and as if there was love between them, instead of monetary compensation for unslakable lust.
Then yesterday I happened to read a short story in the latest issue of a literary journal, that was all about how various men sexually abused the young girl-protagonist.
Finally, I remembered the recent wedding of a friend, and how, as he watched his bride walk toward him down the grassy aisle under a springtime sun to stand at his side in front of a rose-strewn gazebo, he couldn't stop smiling or wiping away tears.
Of all of these stories, which is true?
I wonder sometimes what on earth I'm waiting for, and if it is worth it after all, and that makes me sad, and a little angry as well, that I should even have to wonder this. I know it isn't sex though; that would be easy enough to get if that was all I wanted. But it isn't; never has been. (I'm greedy-I want all or nothing, and sex is not all.)
I just don't know if what I really want is out there, and that's because I don't know anymore which story is true.
posted by grackyfrogg @ 9:20 AM
2 Comments:
At 12:10 AM ,
BeautiPhil said...
which one will you make true? which one will you choose? Each was true for those involved. What will your true story of love be? Have you written it yet, or are you waiting for the plot to be written for you?
I see good website designs, I see bad website designs. That does not confuse me or keep me from designing. It is not the Internet's fault the designs are bad, it is in the hands of the designer. You see good relationships, you see bad relationships. Should that confuse you or keep you from having one? It is not the concept of a relationship that is gone bad, but the relationship is in your hands.
And even with that geeky comparison I think you can see what I'm getting at. There is good and evil in the world, right and wrong, left turns and right turns. They are all true, but not everyone is good. But there is a choice there to decide which to take, to accept.
As a story simply isn't there, but must be written, neither is what you want simply there without you making it be there. And you know better than most how hard it can be to write and create a story, and something tells me this is a bit more complicated, if only because there is another person involved.
I believe that what you truely do want is actually "out there." And if you can believe it is out there and possible, then I would wager that among the 3 billion males in the world, at least one of them wants the same thing. And don't you think that between the two of you, having common goals, with the power of God, can bring it to reality, to Truth?
As your blog description says, "I ask you!"
At 8:45 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Beautiphil... lovely comment. :)
I completely agree that there is choice out there, and I definitely see that there are good and bad, where both are true, because there is just such a broad range of people and such a broad range of love.
Seems to me that the most frustating part of the whole thing is that the choice is not solely up to one person. The question of what your true story of love will be cannot be written by you and you alone. The plot must be co-written. So whatever truth is chosen and whatever relationship is embraced there is still the great unknown of how the other person will be. In fact, even more frustratingly, the entire choice of relationship cannot be chosen, only mutually agreed upon. And the key to creating that can be so elusive.
Becca :o)
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