Get Your Immunizations Today!
August is National Immunization Month! I found that out while I was on hold to talk to someone at Children's Hospital. There were lots of little announcements given periodically during my (somewhat lengthy) hold time, all against a backdrop of bad 70s/early 80s pseudo-jazz soap-opera music. Why do hospitals in particular seem to like music like this? Is it supposed to make you feel better if you're sick? Because for me it has the opposite effect. And then I think, maybe that's the idea! "Get 'em sick, and get 'em in here! Muuuahahahaha!"
Ok, I'm joking. I am sure hospitals are not trying to make people sick by subjecting them to bad music. (It would be funny if they were, though, wouldn't it?)
But I wanted to talk about immunizations, because they are very important, and there are some that I really wish scientists would make. For example: I would love someone to come up with an immunization against Stupid Question Syndrome. And before you all jump on me and say, "There is no such thing as a stupid question!" let me assure you: there is. I work in retail, so I know. Trust me.
I would also lobby for an immunization against Bad Driving Disease. EVERYONE IN LOS ANGELES NEEDS THIS VACCINE! Except me, of course. I am an excellent driver, and when I accidentally cut someone off because I forgot to check my blind spot, I actually don't, it is just your imagination corrupting the facts and not seeing that it is the other person's fault for being in my blind spot in the first place. What were they doing there? Something suspicious and bad-driverly, no doubt, such as keeping their blinking signal on for miles but NOT changing lanes.)
Finally, I think most people would benefit from a shot of Anti-Illogical Argumentation, especially anyone on either the far right or far left of the political or religious spectrum. I hear so many illogical arguments these days, it's a little frightening, and maddening too, to the point where I want to find Occam's Razor and slit someone's throat with it. Probably mine.
(Oh, and I forgot an immunization against Pet Peeves. Judging from what I've written here, I could use a dose of that.)
Ok, I'm joking. I am sure hospitals are not trying to make people sick by subjecting them to bad music. (It would be funny if they were, though, wouldn't it?)
But I wanted to talk about immunizations, because they are very important, and there are some that I really wish scientists would make. For example: I would love someone to come up with an immunization against Stupid Question Syndrome. And before you all jump on me and say, "There is no such thing as a stupid question!" let me assure you: there is. I work in retail, so I know. Trust me.
I would also lobby for an immunization against Bad Driving Disease. EVERYONE IN LOS ANGELES NEEDS THIS VACCINE! Except me, of course. I am an excellent driver, and when I accidentally cut someone off because I forgot to check my blind spot, I actually don't, it is just your imagination corrupting the facts and not seeing that it is the other person's fault for being in my blind spot in the first place. What were they doing there? Something suspicious and bad-driverly, no doubt, such as keeping their blinking signal on for miles but NOT changing lanes.)
Finally, I think most people would benefit from a shot of Anti-Illogical Argumentation, especially anyone on either the far right or far left of the political or religious spectrum. I hear so many illogical arguments these days, it's a little frightening, and maddening too, to the point where I want to find Occam's Razor and slit someone's throat with it. Probably mine.
(Oh, and I forgot an immunization against Pet Peeves. Judging from what I've written here, I could use a dose of that.)
posted by grackyfrogg @ 11:00 AM
9 Comments:
At 11:55 AM ,
BeautiPhil said...
There is no such thing as a stupid question
And if you haven't checked out that website before, I guarantee that you'll like it Gracky.
At 7:30 PM ,
Porter said...
"I want to find Occam's Razor and slit someone's throat with it ..." Brilliant.
Also, in tech support I often hear it said: There are no stupid questions, there are only stupid people.
At 10:23 PM ,
Pepper said...
Anti-Illogical Argumentation immunization, girl, sign me up!
Actually, this got me thinking. I got my tetanus shot a few days ago, and OUCH my arm was hurting for days. I couldn't lift my arm above my head for a few hours.
I would also like to be immunized against Muzak. And hair metal.
At 12:24 AM ,
Erich said...
I wonder if there is an immunization for people who cut me off and claim it wasn't there fault because i was in there blind spot.
At 10:25 AM ,
grackyfrogg said...
e-rock! very clever, haha. :) or how about one for not knowing the difference between "there" and "their"? (sisters are so mean, aren't they--especially oldest ones!)
At 10:55 AM ,
steve balsiger said...
I think what we need is something along the lines of gracky's "Anti-illogical" vaccine, but this one would be a little different. i call i the "Anti-if you dont have ENOUGH INFORMATION to form an opinion on something than don't strongly argue your point and be willing to keep you mind open and not be so mouthy about your point" vaccine. This would be appropriate for most of us, but especially the groups gracky mentioned!
At 11:38 AM ,
BeautiPhil said...
S4P - I think that vaccine name is too long, it should definitely be abbreviated to its initials:
AIYDHEITFAOOSTDSAYPABWTKYMOANBSMAYP
Of course, we may want to get rid of a few minor words:
AIYDHEIFOSTDSAYPBWKYMONBSMAYP
Hmmm, that didn't do too much, did it? :-D
At 10:47 PM ,
Skwerlman7 said...
i've always thought immunizations to be a hoax. Think about it. They give you the disease so "your body can learn to fight it". How smart does that sound. That may be what they say, but what they do is give you the disease so you "get sick and have to come back to the doctor". That's how they make all that money. It's a scam
At 11:03 PM ,
grackyfrogg said...
very silly of them too, when all they really need to do is play weird elevator music at you to make you feel ill! that would be cheaper than the vaccines!
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