5 Reasons Why I Love LA
5) Impatient people who honk at you to turn left at intersections, even though someone is in front of you, and you are waiting for them to turn, because after all, you aren't driving a monster truck that would allow you to roll right over them and skoosh them so that the person behind you could then get to their destination those two milliseconds faster.
Ok, I'm a fast driver as a rule, but when someone pulls this little stunt on me, I suddenly turn into Gracie the Infant Snail, slowing to as much of a craaaawl as I can without coming to an absolute stop. Then I watch the person behind me proceed to do the Aggressive Car Seat Dance, featuring all sorts of hilarious, blood-pressure-raising gestures. It's a fun game! Try it sometime!
4) Wildfire season.
Because the air quality isn't bad enough.
3) The lack of a decent public transportation system.
I have friends from New Zealand who come to Los Angeles and take buses everywhere, and this completely mystifies me. I'm always like, "We have buses??"
Haha. I'm kidding, of course. Naturally I know we have buses, because I get stuck behind them when I want to make right turns anywhere. But I hardly ever see anyone on these buses. And if you asked me to plot out how to get anywhere on a bus, I would stare blankly, and then laugh at you. I don't think I would even know where to start to find out how to go anywhere on a bus.
The same applies to the ridiculous excuse for a "Metro" that we have here, only raised to the 22nd power times 10.
2) Um, I can't think of anything for this one, so we'll just move right along to the number one reason why I love LA...(drum roll please):
1) TRAFFIC!
One of the interesting things about driving in LA is that no one here measures distance in miles, but in time. This is because distance means absolutely nothing in a place where it can routinely take you more than an hour to go 15 miles. There is a formula that Angelenos can use to figure out how long it takes to get anywhere, and it goes like this:
Where x=distance, and y=time and c=destination, then--oh wait, maybe that should be "d" since destination starts with d! Gah. This is lame. Forget it.
The point is, a couple weeks ago my brother left our house two hours in advance of an appointment he had in LA, and he got there 45 minutes late. The location of the appointment was probably not more than 30 miles away. And no, I am not exaggerating.
Oh, and let me tell you how much more fun traffic is when you drive a car with manual transmission! The joy I feel in shifting and downshifting while navigating stop-and-go traffic at 0-5 miles an hour is really inexpressible, so you will have to imagine the verbal expressions that might be employed to express all that...rapture.
Here is a picture of the sort of gridlock that just makes my day, taken while I was attempting to get a friend to the airport in a timely (ha!) fashion:
Gotta love LA!
Ok, I'm a fast driver as a rule, but when someone pulls this little stunt on me, I suddenly turn into Gracie the Infant Snail, slowing to as much of a craaaawl as I can without coming to an absolute stop. Then I watch the person behind me proceed to do the Aggressive Car Seat Dance, featuring all sorts of hilarious, blood-pressure-raising gestures. It's a fun game! Try it sometime!
4) Wildfire season.
Because the air quality isn't bad enough.
3) The lack of a decent public transportation system.
I have friends from New Zealand who come to Los Angeles and take buses everywhere, and this completely mystifies me. I'm always like, "We have buses??"
Haha. I'm kidding, of course. Naturally I know we have buses, because I get stuck behind them when I want to make right turns anywhere. But I hardly ever see anyone on these buses. And if you asked me to plot out how to get anywhere on a bus, I would stare blankly, and then laugh at you. I don't think I would even know where to start to find out how to go anywhere on a bus.
The same applies to the ridiculous excuse for a "Metro" that we have here, only raised to the 22nd power times 10.
2) Um, I can't think of anything for this one, so we'll just move right along to the number one reason why I love LA...(drum roll please):
1) TRAFFIC!
One of the interesting things about driving in LA is that no one here measures distance in miles, but in time. This is because distance means absolutely nothing in a place where it can routinely take you more than an hour to go 15 miles. There is a formula that Angelenos can use to figure out how long it takes to get anywhere, and it goes like this:
Where x=distance, and y=time and c=destination, then--oh wait, maybe that should be "d" since destination starts with d! Gah. This is lame. Forget it.
The point is, a couple weeks ago my brother left our house two hours in advance of an appointment he had in LA, and he got there 45 minutes late. The location of the appointment was probably not more than 30 miles away. And no, I am not exaggerating.
Oh, and let me tell you how much more fun traffic is when you drive a car with manual transmission! The joy I feel in shifting and downshifting while navigating stop-and-go traffic at 0-5 miles an hour is really inexpressible, so you will have to imagine the verbal expressions that might be employed to express all that...rapture.
Here is a picture of the sort of gridlock that just makes my day, taken while I was attempting to get a friend to the airport in a timely (ha!) fashion:
Gotta love LA!
posted by grackyfrogg @ 9:35 PM
1 Comments:
At 5:03 PM ,
Erich said...
Grace, of all the things i want to forget, this appointment was one of them.
This, however, is a funny blog.
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