I Think My Subconscious is Trying to Eat Me
Well, it is all becoming more and more real, the looming return to formal studies. My master's program begins this November, and I have already received assignments—two books to read before the semester starts, and a minimum of 15 pages of prose fiction due by september 27.
None of my stories is even 10 pages, of course. Which means I have to come up with two to turn in. Gah.
The questions lurk continuously at the back of my mind, where I toss them the occasional kibbles-and-bits of tentative self-confidence to hopefully shut them up and quiet their ravenous growls, which, when they are particularly hungry for a taste of my vulnerable ego, takes the shape of biting words that end up sounding something like this:
"Who told you you could write? How did you get into a master's program anyway? What were you thinking? Did we mention your writing sucks?"
It is not a pretty place, my subconscious. Stay away, is my advice. I usually do.
But I was talking about the MFA program.
So, here's how it works. In nNovember I will go to the campus for 10 days, for the residency part of the semester. The rest of the semester will be conducted in a long-distance, independent study format, with me doing the assignments from home and sending packets of writing back to an assigned teacher every three weeks.
That way, I get to keep my full-time job. Which means that in addition to working 40 hours a week, I'll also be studying/writing for 25.
Now, I'm not very good at math, but I'm pretty sure those numbers added together translate into an equation that can be summed up in english as follows: I won't be sleeping alot for the next two years.
The campus is in Kentucky. I don't know anything about Kentucky. I know they have lots of horses there. And blue grass, which I think is pretty cool. (Out here in California, of course, we have to pay lots of money just to have ours be the normal, boring green.)
Oh, and I also read somewhere recently that the Kentucky Derby (which, by the way, is held in Kentucky--another Kentucky factoid for you!) will start selling mint juleps that cost $1000.
Hmm, how strange. I keep getting off topic. I was talking about the MFA program.
Right. So, these packets of writing that get sent back and forth every three weeks through the course of the semester are supposed to be a mixture of material undergoing revisions and new material. They are also supposed to include 1-3 critical essays, based on the 8-10 books we are supposed to be reading. And did i mention that the writing packet is expected to number about 35-40 pages? Every three weeks?
I think I mentioned it. At least the last part.
Um, yeah, so I'm a little stressed about the whole thing, as you can probably tell. But I think it's a good kind of stressed. Like the excited kind.
Although I haven't entirely made up my mind about that. Because that would involve a trip to the subconcious. And after writing this post, I just don't think I have any more kibbles or bits.
None of my stories is even 10 pages, of course. Which means I have to come up with two to turn in. Gah.
The questions lurk continuously at the back of my mind, where I toss them the occasional kibbles-and-bits of tentative self-confidence to hopefully shut them up and quiet their ravenous growls, which, when they are particularly hungry for a taste of my vulnerable ego, takes the shape of biting words that end up sounding something like this:
"Who told you you could write? How did you get into a master's program anyway? What were you thinking? Did we mention your writing sucks?"
It is not a pretty place, my subconscious. Stay away, is my advice. I usually do.
But I was talking about the MFA program.
So, here's how it works. In nNovember I will go to the campus for 10 days, for the residency part of the semester. The rest of the semester will be conducted in a long-distance, independent study format, with me doing the assignments from home and sending packets of writing back to an assigned teacher every three weeks.
That way, I get to keep my full-time job. Which means that in addition to working 40 hours a week, I'll also be studying/writing for 25.
Now, I'm not very good at math, but I'm pretty sure those numbers added together translate into an equation that can be summed up in english as follows: I won't be sleeping alot for the next two years.
The campus is in Kentucky. I don't know anything about Kentucky. I know they have lots of horses there. And blue grass, which I think is pretty cool. (Out here in California, of course, we have to pay lots of money just to have ours be the normal, boring green.)
Oh, and I also read somewhere recently that the Kentucky Derby (which, by the way, is held in Kentucky--another Kentucky factoid for you!) will start selling mint juleps that cost $1000.
Hmm, how strange. I keep getting off topic. I was talking about the MFA program.
Right. So, these packets of writing that get sent back and forth every three weeks through the course of the semester are supposed to be a mixture of material undergoing revisions and new material. They are also supposed to include 1-3 critical essays, based on the 8-10 books we are supposed to be reading. And did i mention that the writing packet is expected to number about 35-40 pages? Every three weeks?
I think I mentioned it. At least the last part.
Um, yeah, so I'm a little stressed about the whole thing, as you can probably tell. But I think it's a good kind of stressed. Like the excited kind.
Although I haven't entirely made up my mind about that. Because that would involve a trip to the subconcious. And after writing this post, I just don't think I have any more kibbles or bits.
posted by grackyfrogg @ 11:10 PM
4 Comments:
At 1:09 AM ,
BeautiPhil said...
i think you'll get through.
at least i hope so.
i have to for my sake.
cause i have to believe i'll get through.
the last two design jobs i've taken haven't worked.
both clients halfway through were completely unsatisfied with my work.
shocked and rather horrified with it rather.
it sucks.
i thought i was a professional designer.
somehow i can't get this crap to come together anymore.
it's like 3 month long creative block.
so i'm rooting for you.
it helps me root for myself.
go us.
At 7:28 AM ,
grackyfrogg said...
poor phil.
i'm sorry to hear it, my friend. that DOES suck.
here's to the ending of horrible writer/designer block!
At 9:25 AM ,
Quesse Lómë said...
Encouraging words for you:
First of all, you got into the program so you must be able to write. I haven't applied to any graduate programs but I have friends who are going to be graduating this year and they're caught up in the thick of that. It doesn't appear that graduate degrees are handed out to any old joe on the street, so be confident. You can do it. :)
Secondly, concerning the sleep factor, my TESL teacher recently earned a PhD and has a doctorate sleep schedule that she refers to. She's a night owl to begin with, but during her thesis writing period, she would stay up all night working on it, then go home around five am. Then she'd sleep until noon or one and come back. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I wouldn't advise that, but I'm sure it'll be a grand experience overall. Please keep us posted as it happens! :)
At 9:58 PM ,
grackyfrogg said...
thank you, quesse, for your encouragement. i appreciate it!
i wish i didn't have a job, then i could do the sleep-til-noon thing. but then i wouldn't have any money. so i guess i'm glad i have a job. (yay for silver linings!)
:)
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