Rules of the California Road

I think I've figured out why driving is such an incredibly frustrating endeavor in Southern California.

It's because no one is actually FROM here. So they don't know our unique road rules!

The older I get, the less Southern California natives I seem to run into. In my office alone, I am surrounded by transplants--from Ohio, Michigan, New York, Connecticut, Northern California (which would almost be considered another state, trust me). Also, here is a list of the license plates I've seen while inching along in traffic in the City of Angels:

Arizona
Arkansas
Colorado
Connecticut
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illionois
Indiana
Kentucky
Louisiana
Massachussetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
South Carolina
Texas
Utah
Washington
Wyoming

Yep, that's most of the fifty United States, mixing and merging on California's jam-packed roads. And I don't know what they teach them in these other states' driving schools, but judging from the driving methodology I have had occasion to observe on countless occasions, it's nothing that will stand these drivers in any sort of good stead in OUR neck o' the woods.

So I thought I might provide a valuable public service and explain the rules of driving in the Golden State, because there often seems to be some confusion about just how to navigate through the jumbled tangle of concrete that passes for a "freeway system" (oh, how loosely I use that term "system"!) here in SoCal.

Rule #1: Drive faster than the posted speed limit. A lot faster.

Yes, I know. Speeding is technically against the law, blah blah blah. But I'm sure there must also be a law against dawdling along at 60mph in the FAST lane, where people are SUPPOSED to go 80+. See, when you do that, you force people to pass you on the right-hand side, and that is also technically against the law.

So please, do everyone a favor and if you are going to go slower than 65mph (which is the posted limit in most of California, except for I-5 between LA and SF, which should really just have its speed limit signs taken down and be renamed the West Coast AutoBahn), do it in the slow lane. Which, just for the record and to clear up any confusion, is located to the extreme RIGHT of the freeway. Better yet, do it in another state, where they actually prefer you don't speed! Then we'll all be happy and there will be a lot less road rage. And isn't that something we can all live with? I think so.

Rule #2: See rule #1.

That's it! See how easy it is? And yet, apparently, so incredibly difficult...