The Ninth Day of Christmas

I was swimming through the mall, which had somehow become filled with water. Hapless shoppers floated by, along with various potential gifts that were always just a little out of reach. Suddenly, a shark appeared out of the mall's darkened depths, jaws open for the kill. It was coming straight for me! I tried to scream but I was underwater. I swam as fast as I could, but it was nowhere near fast enough. The shark was closing in...

I awoke suddenly, in a sweat. I looked around wildly. I was in my room, and the shark-infested mall was gone. It had been a nightmare, that's all. The ringing phone had yanked me out of sleep. I leaned across the bed to the nightstand and picked it up, still groggy.

"Hello?" I mumbled.

"Hi, is this Grackyfrogg?"said a woman's voice.

"I think so," I said.

"Oh, well, this is Annie from across the street."

"Hi Annie," I said, waking up a bit more now. What could my neighbor want at this hour? But then I looked at my bedside clock, and saw that that it was 11am. Oh.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother you, but... well, I just wondered if you knew that there are a bunch of strange men leaping about in front of your house."

"Strange men? Leaping?"

"Yes, and they are dressed like... like British lords."

"Hmm," I said. "What do British lords typically dress like, Annie?"

"Like these guys!" she said, sounding irritated. "I just told you!"

11am or not, it was way too early for this conversation.

"Ok, sorry," I said. "I think they're from my true love. It's all good."

"From your true love?"

"Yes, he's been sending me weird gifts lately."

"I... see."

I yawned. "Anyway, thanks for letting me know. I'm sure they'll go away soon."

"Wait a minute," she said. "Do you think... could I have one?"

"Have one what?"

"One of the leaping lords."

"Uh," I said. "How many of them are there?"

She paused, and I imagined her staring out her window, counting.

"Nine," she finally said. "And they're really cute."

"Sure, help yourself," I said. Then I hung up and went back to sleep, but not before thinking that it takes a very secure man to send nine handsome British lords to leap and prance in front of his beloved's house.

Of course, it would take an even more secure man to be one of those lords.