frogg files

Happy Thanksgiving

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Thu, 23 Nov 2006 15:55:00 +0000

Well, it's that time of year again, when we determinedly set ourselves the task of being dutifully thankful for all the things that annoyed, frustrated, or disappointed us during the year: family, friends, our jobs, our lives, the universe, and everything.

Kidding, kidding.

I actually like Thanksgiving a lot. I like it more than Christmas, in fact, because even though Christmas is about the birth of the Lord Jesus and other things that are deeply important to me, it's also (sadly) about going crazy trying to buy the "right" gifts for people and not forget anyone who might get mortally offended and never speak to you again. There's a lot of stress attendant upon Christmas, and quite frankly, the last thing I need in my life is more stress.

I admit, though, that I do not cultivate a grateful spirit throughout the year as a rule, so when I get to Thanksgiving and start trying to make the requisite list of all the things I'm thankful for, it's the mental and emotional equivalent of running a marathon when you've spent the year eating Big Macs and avoiding all exercise that does not involve sitting on the couch in front of the TV. Suddenly, I'm trying to flex gratitude muscles that I never knew I had. And it's tough. Watch, I'll show you what happens:

I am thankful for my family, who have supported and encouraged and loved me... but sometimes they get on my nerves. I am thankful that I have a job that pays my bills... but it's kind of boring at times. I am thankful that being single allows me to live fairly freely, going where I want when I want... but I'm sad that I'm missing out on being in love. I am thankful for my health, but... hey, I have no "buts" about that! I am very healthy! YAY!!!!

Whew, I was getting depressed.

But you see what I mean? Everything I am thankful for has a Dark Side. The thing I like about Thanksgiving is that it's a time to forcibly shake off the darkness, and really make an effort to focus on the light that fills my life. And I do wonder what it would be like to work at this focus throughout the year, instead of waiting for a particular weekend in November to roll around. If I were to make a New Year's resolution, that would be it. (Unfortunately if there is one thing I am not thankful for at all, it's the concept of the New Year's resolution.)

So today, I'm thankful for Thanksgiving itself. I'm thankful for a holiday that reminds me not to give in to the Dark Side. I'm thankful that I have people to celebrate the holiday with, and lots of food to eat (and believe me, there are no "buts" about that, either!).

And most of all, I'm thankful that it is not Christmas yet, because I still haven't done any gift shopping. Yikes!

Superfast Update!

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 18:58:00 +0000

I am in Maryland now! More to come...

Still Kickin' it in Kentucky...

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 05:03:00 +0000

I have been absolutely swamped this week, but I'm coming up for air long enough to tell you all that I am still alive. Overwhelmed, slightly stressed, and severely sleep-deprived due to the fact that my inner clock still hasn't clicked over to East Coast time--but alive.

Most of my days are taken up by the writing program, but today I did manage to leave my well-worn two-block territory and venture further afield into the city, thanks to a fellow student who lives in the area and has a car. He acted as a tour guide for me and a few friends, driving us through the Historical District of Louisville, with its huge old mansions and quiet streets, and then on to the center of religious fervor in the Bluegrass State, otherwise known as Churchill Downs. We got there just after the last race of the day, but had the chance to see the thoroughbreds being walked along the track back to the stables.

We also learned that box seats at the Kentucky Derby can easily go for $10,000. Wow.

Highlight of the Day: the free Smashmouth concert staged at Fourth Street Live (the hip restaurant/shopping area of downtown), outdoors in the freezing cold. Random, I know.

Bluegrass Blues

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 03:43:00 +0000

So here I am in Louisville.

Er, I mean Loovle.

I'd like to tell you all about the city and describe my impressions of it, but unfortunately, I've only seen two blocks of it so far. I am becoming very familiar with those two blocks, however. There are brick buildings, which is cool. You don't see those in California, because of the earthquake codes. There are also autumn leaves on the ground. You don't see those much in California either, mostly because our leaves don't fall til sometime in January, which doesn't really count as autumn.

I also saw a billboard advertising gas as a great gift idea.

Oh, and here's something funny. Remember a post or two ago, I was worried about the weather and what to wear? Well, I arrived all bundled up in a coat, scarf, and Ugs, prepared to face the worst--and stepped out of the airport terminal into a balmy 70+ degree day, with humidity to match. What a surprise. I wish I could say it was a pleasant one.

Naturally, based on yesterday's experience, I woke up this morning and dressed in a T-shirt and jeans, and wore a light fleece jacket--which meant that temperatures dipped right down to the 40s. I believe a wind chill was also involved. Hahaha! Imagine my amusement.

But enough about the weather. I'm happy to report that I am settling in well to the writing program, in spite of the fact that I lost my welcome packet the same day I got it (i.e., yesterday; thankfully I found it in the office today) and the printout of my schedule for the next two weeks, which I had brought with me from home because the administration had made a point of telling us to (had to get another one from the office). I also missed a lecture, a fact which only came to my attention when I was talking to the professor who gave it and he happened to ask if I'd attended. "Your lecture was today?" I asked.

So yeah. I'm doing great.

Keep Dreaming

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 06:16:00 +0000

In my wildest dreams, I am this incredibly organized person, who looks wisely to the future so that she does not perpetually find herself doing things at the last minute; like packing and shopping the night before departing on an extended trip, just as a totally random example.

Then I wake up laughing. Assuming, of course, that I get any sleep in the first place. Which I haven't for the past three days, due to the aforementioned last-minute shopping and packing I've been doing. Tomorrow night, I get on the plane for Louisville. I have no idea anymore if I am taking enough clothes, or whatever else I think I need, and I don't much care. All I know is, if I don't sleep during the flight, I think I'm going to die.

Or at the very least, be extremely unpleasant when I arrive. Which could mean someone else might die.

Just kidding. I hope.

Well, considering how much packing I still have to do, you are probably surprised that I would take valuable time out to write this incredibly unmeaningful blog. I wish I could say I was surprised, too. Unfortunately, I know myself all too well.

I think I was sort of hoping that my packing would just start magically doing itself, actually. I am very depressed that this is not, in fact, happening. What wouldn't I give for Mary Poppins' powers of finger-snapping her chores to their completion right now.

Sigh. One can always dream...

What Weather Shall I Wear?

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 15:56:00 +0000

I found out that the story I mentioned in the last post actually started floating around awhile back. As in, 2002 (I think). But I don't care, it's still funny.

In other earth-shaking news, yesterday I went out and bought my first real raincoat.

Yes, I mean ever.

I am a true Southern California girl in a sartorial* sense, which means that my wardrobe almost entirely consists of tank tops, T-shirts, flip-flops, etc. Summer clothes, in other words. My "cold-weather" clothes amount to a few sweatshirts, one coat (which I never wear) and jeans. But that's ok, because summer never really ends here. In fact, today the highs are supposed to hit upper 80s-low 90s (late 20s-early 30s for the Celsius lovers)! Nice.

However, in a couple of days, I'll be leaving Summerland and going to a state where they have weather that actually dips below 65 degrees. And rain. And that mysterious element known as a "wind chill factor." All these things add up to the need for an entirely new wardrobe, a wardrobe that includes items I barely ever have occasion to even pronounce out here on the West Coast--scarves, gloves (!), and boots.

So, as you can imagine, I am freaking out (like, totally).

The thought crossed my mind that perhaps I should just take my snowboarding clothes and wear them the whole time, but they would probably take up too much room in my suitcase. Boo.

*"Sartorial" does not, unfortunately, translate to "fashionable." For more details on the distinction, click here.

Death Becomes Him

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 15:52:00 +0000

The cowgirl was home this past week, and one night we were sitting in the living room chatting over cups of tea, when she turned to me and said, "Did you hear that Leo died?"

I stared at her. The words were too magical to be believed. "What? Really?"

"Yeah."

"How??"

"I don't know. The lady I gave him to said she just found him dead one morning. He'd been singing his heart out the night before."

I glowered. "I bet." I was all too acquainted with Leo's "singing."

The cowgirl and I then fell silent for a moment, and I'd like to say that I felt a twinge of conscience for all my Leo-hating now that I knew he had kicked the bucket, but I would, of course, be lying. I am not sorry at all. If I had known how to dance a jig, I would have. But I didn't. So I contented myself with inward rejoicing. Of which there was plenty.

In the midst of my doubtless unholy glee, though, I was also a trifle annoyed. I had wished for Leo to die many a time when he lived here, but would he oblige me? No! Not on your life! At last, after ages of enduring his demonic, achingly painful shrieks, the cowgirl FINALLY takes him away from this house, and gives him to some lady who only has to put up with it for a couple months before he just... keels over one day. Peacefully, with no complaints or resistance. Argh, that jerk (Leo, not the lady)! Even in death he mocks me!

I guess I'd better watch what I say, though. I would hate to have that little avian Fury come back to haunt me. Gah. What a horrible fate that would be.

Winner of the Frogg's "I'm Stupider Than Jerry Rose" Award

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:50:00 +0000

In one of the more bizaare criminal-incident articles I've ever read, a man gets caught robbing banks because, much to his surprise, he is not, in fact, invisible.

As an added bonus, this story features a fake wizard.

Fav excerpt:

The man's ill-fated heist attempt started to go wrong shortly after he entered the bank, as he started snatching money from the hands of customers. For some reason, rather than being terrified of the mysterious invisible poltergeist stealing their cash, the customers quickly overpowered the hapless thief.

I can hardly stand how funny that is.

(Via Dave Barry's Blog.)

Winner of the Frogg's "Oops, Did I Say That Out Loud?" Award

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:47:00 +0000

If he ever finds himself playing the "What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?" party game again, I bet Jerry Rose will have a slightly different answer.

A Sign of Clip-Art To Come

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 00:08:00 +0000

So I was walking in my neighborhood this morning before work and...

Ok, ok, you can stop looking so shocked. Yes, I was walking. Yes, it was in the morning. And yes, it was before work. (And no, work does not start at noon!)

Ahem. When were you thinking you might pick your jaw up from the floor? Because I was thinking now would be a good time, so I can finish this story.

Thanks.

ANYWAY. As I was walking, I passed a telephone pole with an 8.5" x 11" piece of paper stapled to it. The sign was for pool and spa maintenance, and had the requisite phone numbers printed vertically along the bottom in little strips that had been scissored so you could tear them off easily. Above the strips was a black and white line drawing of a child in the air, looking terrified as he either jumped or fell (impossible to tell which) into the waiting arms of a man whose mouth was open in an apparent scream. Another man, who was also waist-deep in what I could only assume was the pool (but judging from their expressions, you'd have thought it was a vat of hot, flesh-melting lava), had a similar look of hellish torment on his undetailed face.

I had to read the headline again to remind myself it was pool service that was being offered and not, say, the ever-popular Vacation Getaway Package in Hades. I mean, who wouldn't want to call guys who use such persuasive images to promote their product? "Dying to get your pool fixed? We can help!"

So, my big question is, how much does Clip Art actually cost? Do these guys need to drum up some pool and spa maintenance business before they can afford any? Because if so, they might be in a little bit of trouble.

Excuses, Excuses!

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 21:02:00 +0000

After I posted my last entry, I had this revelatory thought: What am I waiting for, anyway??

So heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it looks like it's off to work I go! Yee-ha.

Until I resurface from the morass of busywork and errands that threatens to drown my beleaguered but unconquered spirit (how's that for being dramatic?), I wish you all an awesome weekend. And in the midst of all the stuff there is to be done, take some time to do a little bit of nothing. I'm quite convinced that it's good for the soul.

Take it from me--I'm an expert at doing nothing.

Hey, at least I know what I'm good at, yeah?

Oh yeah.

Undone and Waiting

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 20:25:00 +0000

Right now, there is a pile of clean laundry on my bed, waiting to be folded, and a pile of dirty laundry in a plastic basket, waiting to be taken down to the washing machine. There are piles of mail waiting to be sorted--one on the bed, one on top of a portable filing box, one scattered around on the floor next to the same filing box. There is a house waiting (probably in vain) to be cleaned. There is an envelope waiting to be taken to the post office.

There is a Beethoven sonata waiting to be practised. There is a piano composition by a woman whose name I can't remember, waiting to be started.

There are novels and stories and poems by other people waiting to be read. There are my stories, waiting to be written.

Ah, the day is slipping by so fast. I am leaving so much undone... and waiting.

Smile

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 02:50:00 +0000

So I was sitting in traffic on the way home from work, getting cranky because traffic puts me in a bad mood, when I looked up at an overpass and saw a man with a little boy on his shoulders. The little boy was waving to all the people locked away in their iron coffins below. Beside these two was a little girl with long brown hair, in a bright yellow dress. She kept jumping up and down like she couldn't imagine a more exciting view than the one she was looking at right then--miles of glinting metal cartops and flashing red brake lights as far as she could probably see.

In that moment, as I looked up at the cheerful little group on the overpass, I didn't mind that I was stuck in the inevitable Los Angeles gridlock. I didn't mind that I was exhausted, because of not getting enough sleep last night. I didn't mind that I have to wake up earlier than usual tomorrow because of a meeting at one of client's offices.*

I smiled up at the man, the boy, and the little girl as I passed beneath them, and I kept smiling as I left them behind.

*Of course, I mind that now.

Pensivity

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 07:56:00 +0000

It's nearly 1 a.m., and I can't sleep.

It's been a long couple of days. My mother had surgery on Tuesday, and is still in the hospital recovering. Everything went well, and she is doing fine. I'm not sure how I'm doing. Tired, I guess. Stressed.

I'm empty of things to say, but full of the desire to say something. The story of my life.

I'm so tired. Why won't sleep come?

I Left My Heart In San Franisco!!!

grackyfrogg@gmail.com (grackyfrogg) — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 04:38:00 +0000

If by "heart," you mean "favorite jeans EVER" and if by "San Francisco," you mean "the outer limits of the East Bay."

I cannot adequately describe my severe trauma upon unpacking my bags from the weekend trip and NOT seeing my favorite pair of jeans. Apparently I left them on the floor at becca's house. I have no idea what I am going to wear until I get them back. Oh. My. Gosh. WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?!?!

My "skinny" jeans, I guess. Thank God I still have those. Whatever would I do without them.

Besides breathe, that is.

I am so depressed.